CM Punk (cmpunk) wrote,
CM Punk
cmpunk

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"...We'll see how smart you are when the K-9 comes"

Thursday January 8th 2004, Baltimore Maryland

Allison Danger picks up the inoccent looking Punk rock wrestling hooligan who hasn't slept on a Wednesday night in the past three months at the Baltimore airport. What follows is their story. Names have been mostly made up due to Punks hatred for officers of "the law"...

So yeah, I let Allison drive my car, and she doesn't crash it, so we celebrate by me getting pulled over for (are you ready for this?).....
:drum roll:
Driving too close to the vehicle in front of me.
At least that's what the very clean cut looking officer who more than likely winds down his hard days "work" by downing a case of beer and beating his wife silly because he's embarassed he can't help his 8 year old with his math homework told me. I was told that I was following one and a half car lengths behind the guy that cut me off, when I was supposed to be following him TWO car lengths.
Officer Douche Mcallister asks me the usual questions, and the entire conversation went exactly like this:

Pig McBlueboy: Do you have anything in the car in the way of drugs or weapons?
Punk: Nope.
PM: Okay, i'm going to go run your license, just sit tight...
Punk: No worries.
::Idiot cop walks back to his car::
...in the meantime, another squad pulls up...
Punk: Figures they'd need two cars for something as stupid as this. I can't believe he's writing me a ticket for something this stupid.
Allison Danger (looking in the side mirror of my car): Um, Punker, I want you to keep calm.
Punk: Huh? I am calm, I just think it's stupid that (Punk sees that the second squad is a K-9 unit) WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?
Allison: Punk, just keep cool!
Punk: Fuck that, I don't....OH...OH! You've got to be kidding me!
::Officer #2 approachs my car with his DRUG DOG::
Punk rolls down passanger side window and yells at cop
Punk: ARE YOU RIBBING ME? GET THAT FUCKING DOG AWAY FROM MY CAR!
::officer does'nt respond::
Punk: Serisouly, are you fucking kidding me? Hey!
::officer starts to knock on Punks car with his hands::
Punk: Okay, Okay! Honestly, you fucking DICK, get the fuck away from my car, or i'll eat your dog.
::Officer #1 approachs Punks car once the dog and officer #2 are dog circling the car::
Officer Dickhead: Can I ask you to step out of the car?
Punk: Absolutely not.
Officer Asshole: Well, I need to explain this to you...
Punk: Do it with me in the car
Officer Bitchass: Well, can you step out of the car...
Punk: Ya know what, fine...
Now this is where it gets fairly hilarious people. I literally step out of the car, and once i'm fully stood up, i'm at least a foot taller than this cop. The look on his face was priceless. He takes a step back, and I shit you not, gulps. I'd imagine i'm horribly frighting looking by this point, because i'm legit furious that this little bullshit profile stop of my car results in a drug dog harassment. He backs up, never taking his eyes off me, and I nearly back him into traffic...
Officer Justshitinhispants: Um...this is your warning.
Punk: Great ::turns to walk away::
Officer Banana Brains: You need to take this, but before I give it to you, what do you want to tell me about what's in your car?
Punk (now turning green): What?
Officer pleasedontkillme: Is there anything in the car you want to tell me about, I'll give you the chance to tell me the truth, why were you in Nashville?
Punk::raising his fists right in the cops face:: What do my knuckles say?!
Cop: Why were you ::gets cut off by a very angry Punk::
Punk: WHAT. DO. MY. KNUCKLES. SAY?
a very sad looking police man: Drug free.
Punk: Exactly, so i'm a little offended about the dog right now.
Copper: Um...okay, well, here's your warning, have a nice day
Punk: Go fuck yourself.

Reading this back now, it doen't even do it justice. Allison was sure that I was going to jail due to the way I was freaking out
Every day of my life is like this. Never slowing down, always topping the day before. Life is hard, and I hate politics.
Jimmy Rave is going bald.
Bill Behrens is a sonofabitch.
And I, soon to be the leader of the world, am better than you.
Go play in traffic.
Also, R.I.P Sterling James Keenans girlfriends Iguana.
XxX
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shadowlyra

January 17 2004, 21:32:12 UTC 11 years ago

You should of made him eat your knuckles.

cerulgalactus

January 17 2004, 21:37:27 UTC 11 years ago

If that scene doesnt show up in at least one of yr feuds with Raven, then there is no comedic justice.

Stupid inbred hick cops.

jesterstear

January 17 2004, 22:02:51 UTC 11 years ago

Punk: ARE YOU RIBBING ME? GET THAT FUCKING DOG AWAY FROM MY CAR!


I hate to say it, but you were a stupid shit. Yell at the officer right off the bat, make yourself look guilty. Consider yourself lucky that you didn't get a full body cavity search.

It's obvious you have a preconceived hostility against law enforcement, and I'm sure you let that show as well.

Don't be such a fucking dick next time.

theyekid

January 18 2004, 16:04:45 UTC 11 years ago

A stupid shit?? you gotta be kidding me...Im not drug free but I used to be and I know, if you were straightedge, and a cop tried bringing a k-9 drug fuckin dog into yer car to look for drugs, id be screaming, yelling and gn crazy just as he did, anyone who isnt is a fuckin moron. Thats like a minority goin to someone who is apart of the ARA (anti-racists), and calling them racist. If i was punk I wouldve taken the cops name and reported him...

jesterstear

11 years ago

hckyboy00

11 years ago

jesterstear

11 years ago

ay yi yi...

hckyboy00

11 years ago

Re: ay yi yi...

jesterstear

11 years ago

Re: ay yi yi...

hckyboy00

11 years ago

Anonymous

10 years ago

cd punk effin sister

Anonymous

6 years ago

theyekid

11 years ago

jesterstear

11 years ago

theyekid

11 years ago

jesterstear

11 years ago

theyekid

11 years ago

jesterstear

11 years ago

theyekid

11 years ago

jesterstear

11 years ago

I agree

Anonymous

11 years ago

Re: I agree

theyekid

11 years ago

me again

Anonymous

11 years ago

yawn

Anonymous

11 years ago

Re: yawn

jesterstear

11 years ago

Re: yawn

jesterstear

11 years ago

Deleted comment

Re: yawn

jesterstear

11 years ago

Re: yawn

themachinehead

11 years ago

Response

Anonymous

11 years ago

Re: Response

Anonymous

8 years ago

Well done, young man.

Anonymous

January 17 2004, 22:53:24 UTC 11 years ago

Punk you fucking rule. Word. Fucking cops did that shit to me too once. Had to show em what was up.

toniarachelle

January 17 2004, 23:32:44 UTC 11 years ago

You fuckin rock!!

Welcome to Maryland

psphenom

January 18 2004, 00:33:03 UTC 11 years ago

God love Maryland. I grew up here & when there's a downfall to be had, it normally involves the contingent of local police officials...

In this great state of ours is the same where:
- I got my first speeding ticket for going 63 in a 55 (Huntingtown, MD)
- a warning for reckless endangerment when I had 5 people in my 5 person car going 50 in a 55 at night (no drinking, no drugs, no swerving...just too many people near an area they watch for drunk drivers) (Garrett Co.)
- My insurance revoked under state law when I got hit by a tractor trailer on a bridge (Frostburg, MD)
- my car's registration put on hold when Frostburg State (in Western Maryland) waited until 5 months after I graduated to post that I owed for it (Frostburg, MD)
- A speeding ticket on I-270 going 68 in a 65 on Christmas Eve last year (Gaithersburg, MD)

All this & so much more. From what I understand, MD police are within the top three of WORST-ness ("worstness" - look in your Phil Funk and Wagner's), along with North Carolina & New Jersey.

Now, some MD police are awesome & really look out for everyone (you know, that whole serve & protect thing). But, there's always those jerks that stand out. And yup, Maryland State Police also have ticket quotas every month.

lol - this last way longer than I expected. Next week - speed traps...heh.

alexandercain

January 18 2004, 00:47:31 UTC 11 years ago

The only thing that suprised me is how one of the cops didn't end up with the name Big Boss Man. Otherwise right on.

bro.......

meaner

January 18 2004, 01:44:48 UTC 11 years ago

all hail punk!!!! just the comment "ill eat your dog" has inspired my life.....

thank you for inspiration....and thank you for proving that harassment happens to whitey!!!!!!

Meaner

thefallen29

January 18 2004, 01:54:55 UTC 11 years ago

"Fuck the police, and I say it with authority..."

stark23x

January 18 2004, 03:38:07 UTC 11 years ago

While the majority of cops are dicks, you have to be fair here. The run up north from Nashville is a NOTORIOUS drug-running corridor. You look like a degenerate. Allison looks like a degenrate. C'mon now...until the tattoos make an appearance, you have to know that two white kids your ages looking like you do, driving at night, likely tired as shit and I'll bet money weaving once or twice while Officer McFuckstick was following you...you fit the profile for pot runners. BIG time.

But you have the ultimate out...the knuckles. How could anyone argue with that?

Of course now all the white trash that run dope from down South to up North are going to get tattoos... ;)

kennedycurse_

January 18 2004, 05:54:09 UTC 11 years ago

my friends got harrassed by some cops like this last month. cops gave them a bodysearch, breathalizer..the works. then a week later, they were laughing about it and saying "fuckin' teenagers." oink.

deadpoolsidious

January 18 2004, 08:18:21 UTC 11 years ago

I am not surprised in the least this came down in Maryland. Maryland tries as much as it can to get money from tickets which is why they're such assholes. Most of the cops have the small man complex so it doesn't surprise me at all this happened.

Anonymous

January 18 2004, 10:36:34 UTC 11 years ago

Officer Dickhead: Can I ask you to step out of the car?
Punk: Absolutely not.

that's great. pure genius

Oh my....

mn_styles

January 18 2004, 12:28:12 UTC 11 years ago

I'll bet that officers dog, that your answers are soon to be found in "10 answers you better don't give to a police officer".

"I'll eat your dog"... this is great :-D

Can't wait to see you in Germany as soon as it gets. You rock!!!!!!

sexcow

January 18 2004, 13:02:03 UTC 11 years ago

Officer Justshitinhispants: Um...this is your warning.
Thats tremendous


PA cops, at least western PA arent much better. About a year and a half ago i got pulled over for speeding (which i admittedly did) then had 4 other units from surrounding areas question each individual (except myself) in my car, asked us if we have sex with the ONE girl in the car and informed us if she said we did we were screwed, and basically treated us as some fuckin big deal. My one friend, 16, 150lbs soaking wet was searched (with gun drawn on him), cuffed, and thrown in back of the one police car. After going down to the station they called the parents of those under 18 becuase they were out after city curfew. Apparently there were some breakins and because there were 4 teenagers in the car, that constitued we were drugged up, alcoholics, and looking for trouble. When i explained to the one officer that i dont do that, he looked at me in disbelief/slight disgust. When he asked "whats this back here" and i replied "tapes, its the only thing back there" he grumbled and said he was gonna search the trunk (to which he never did). All during this dibacle (and waste of 3 hours of my life) i was told about 5-6 times that i could be taken to jail for "harboring minors". Probably should have sued but it really wouldnt have been worth it. Luckily the judge i had was smart enough to see what a fuckin waste of sperm the cop was and let me off of everything. Note: id been cited for disorderly conduct as well. Apparently having music playing right next to a police station is a crime and being disorderly.

Since then... whenever i think of that i play "Fault the police" by Corporate Avenger.

Ok

jakegarrett

January 18 2004, 13:30:04 UTC 11 years ago

So Vader gets into it with the local police in Denver,and gets arrested. The MD police back down from Punk.
Whos the man now?
that cage wasnt 30 feet, and I'll eat your dog.

lithiumcupcake

January 18 2004, 13:30:45 UTC 11 years ago

:: bows down::

You rule the whole fucking world. But you probably already knew that.

Awesome

sxeraven

January 18 2004, 14:47:33 UTC 11 years ago

Absolutely fucking awesome. Cops are such righteous pricks sometimes. Way to show 'em, Punker.

And you tell it well too--I was laughing out loud reading this.

You gotta use this in a promo against Raven. There's nothing better than real-life in a shoot.

2nd_city_saints

January 18 2004, 17:14:04 UTC 11 years ago

Amazing .. just amazing.

Honestly.....

Anonymous

January 18 2004, 18:16:18 UTC 11 years ago

I have to agree that.... That was stupid, what Punk did..... I love Punk... but that was stupid.... Doesnt mean I don't admire him for it though :-)

Anonymous

January 18 2004, 19:33:29 UTC 11 years ago

God bless America.

Good thing we don't have a ... uh ... police state like ... uh ... Oh, sorry.

Yup.

cactusbix

January 18 2004, 22:36:10 UTC 11 years ago

That tops the story about your dad and the cows.

"I'll eat your dog." is so going in a message board sig.

Good fucking Job

Anonymous

January 19 2004, 07:54:49 UTC 11 years ago

That's the best thing I've read all month. That there proved that cops are assholes who will pull anyone over who they haven't seen before and harass their asses about drugs. And it seems to me that Officer Dickhead was trying to harass you about shit that you didn't even do, possibly cause of the way you look(the tatoos, no offense meant). One more reason you should rule the earth.

What horse shit!

les_sharpy

January 19 2004, 11:18:49 UTC 11 years ago

I was told that I was following one and a half car lengths behind the guy that cut me off, when I was supposed to be following him TWO car lengths.

Ok....what kind of car length? A Ford Aspire? Or a Crown Vic. Yea, if it was me, I'd probably be in jail.

circle_of_fear

January 19 2004, 11:52:13 UTC 11 years ago

"Punk: WHAT. DO. MY. KNUCKLES. SAY?
a very sad looking police man: Drug free."

New catchphrase for the Punker!
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