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|Tuesday, October 14th, 2003|
|George Bush is a fucking moron.
the subject above has nothing to do with the following commentary, but everything to do with how completely fucked the place I live is.
Also, this commentary is dedicated to all the followers of Christ and his teachings; in particular to a true Christian--Jimmy Hoffa--because he hired ex-convicts as, I assume, Christ would have. (thanks Lenny).......
So yeah. Commentary. It's like my forgotten red headed step child. But you forgive me, don't you? Of course you do. You love it. You need it. Damnit, you can't sleep without it. Without any further ado, I bring you the rantings of a madman. A madman that went to see the movie "Good Boy" today, but nonetheless, a madman.....
"Movie Weekend-O-rama Pallooza!"
First things first, remember when I never took a weekend off? Yeah, well fuck that shit. I've felt like such garbage lately, and with the ROH school opening up this coming week, me working every Wednesday with NWA:TNA, and this being the week ROH runs a Thursday, not to mention I leave for England Friday....let's just say a couple days off was needed. I'm not the young man I used to be. I'm much more bitter now. My weekend off was basically spent at the movies in between going to the gym and getting in some pretty good workouts. I also slept a lot. More than I wanted too actually, so I didn't get to see most of the movies I wanted to. The following may or may not contain spoilers, frankly, I give no fuck if I ruin a movie for you.....
Friday, October 10th....KILL BILL
Fan-fucking-tastic. HOWEVER, I did go away feeling a bit flat. I thought the way the movie was shot was great. Tarantino is wonderful, but I know that's not the way he intended people to see his movie. It was supposed to be three hours, they cut it in half, added some filler to both parts, and now we have two two hour movies. Parts seemed to drag a bit, but nothing beats Uma in a Game of Death jump suit that's covered in blood and sweat. I'm also not sold on David Carradin as the uber villain, but i'll wait until I see the entire flick to pass total judgment. Best part is Lucy Liu fucking dies, and that's always a thumbs up to me. She's the worst, with her always bitching about how Asians are treated in Hollywood, and here she is again is the most stereotypical Asian role she can find. Bottom line, it's a good movie, stop reading this and go see it, fan boy.
Still Friday night.....Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (that's right!)
Um...what to say about this......I thought it'd be funnier than it was. Somebody gave a budget to a bunch of weirdo Canadian geek Lesbians that must still live at home, and this movie was born. It's fairly obvious these guys are pro wrestling nerds too, with the horrible fight scenes and all. Some killer lines though: Jesus gets finished putting the hurt on some nerds, and he sits in a chair and says "And on the seventh day, he rested".
Stellar. Also about as realistic as the bible. They get points for making jesus a huge pansy. OH! How could I forget. Jesus fights side by side with famous Luchador Santo....who is played by an extremely over weight Canadian. Blasphemous I say! Also, they fight vampire lesbians....
Sunday October 12th...Lost In Translation...
Great movie that will more than likely be totally lost on half of everybody who loves Bill Murray mainly because most people aren't as smart as most dogs I know. What's her face from Ghost World is in it too, and honestly, if I gave two shits about academy awards (dude, I didn't even capitalize academy, THAT'S how much I don't care) i'd say they should both get one. Ten times funnier if you've ever been to Japan, but still a great movie.
sneaking right into the 7:30 showing of....Out of Time....
This one comes on the heels of a recommendation by some guy named Raven. He wears skirts, maybe you've heard of him. So this movie is fucking GREAT...until the end when it becomes a predictable hollywood crap fest. They do a great job of building characters, and you wind up not liking a single one. Except if you're me, who loved the evil Dean Cain. Anyway, the ending sucked, because Denzel while he was all alone at the end with his ex wife should have shot her in the face. He totally would've gotten away with it, and could've ran off with like...EVERYBODIES money.....but no, he finds his heart. Bullshit I say, I would've shot her. Also, Dean Cain carries a .38, only fires four shots, and is magically gypped out of the other two for some reason. F you hollywood!
Today, which is Monday October 13th....GOOD BOY!
Yeah, that's right. I saw it. Good Boy. A movie about dogs from outer space. An alternate ending where the dogs eat all the throats of the lame actors in this movie (besides Kevin Nealen, he's cool...also a vegan fyi) would have made me happy. Really it was just a huge rib to even go see this movie, but I figured somebody had to. Someday I hope to do voice over work for an animal on the big screen. That way people can be sitting in the theater saying, "Holy shit! that's Punks voice! One time, this dude that used Copa Cabana as his entrance threw him off a Pepsi Machine!!!"
Besides all that, I caught up on some TV that I normally watch thanks to the Barbiehead who has turned into my human TiVO of sorts. Smallville has completely jumped the shark with Pa Kent talking to Jor-El in real time, getting super powers, Lex stranded on a desert island, and other assorted feces. I liked the first season...I really did. It had me at hello, now all this.
Anybody know when Coral Fang comes out? I'll check tomorrow....yeah, that was random.
Oh, I know...here's my birthday list...it's coming up ya know. Buy me something, or continue to live a life of mediocrity!
TiVO (i've been working on Raven for weeks about this, hopefully he gets the fucking hint)
Kettle Balls! (special shout out to Marky...)
Game of Death jump suit (this has been on my list for YEARS, if anybody gets me this, i'll spare your life)
Oh, fuck it, i've just lost all patience for writing. Go fuck yourself.
I'll be back soon with tales of bowling with AFI, and being in Wrigglyville when the Cubs beat the Braves. Go fuck yourself again.
XxX Current Mood: irate
|Tuesday, September 9th, 2003|
|"A couple two, three things...."
Ah, so much to talk about. Let's jump right in with both feet and discuss shit talking. It's a two way street really. I could sit here and joke on a few people who definitely deserve it, but on the flip side, I dot' want to give them the press, ya know? Three people come to mind at the moment, one gets no mention. One gets my sympathy because sometimes I don't understand the part about never letting go. One gets the distinction of being mentioned because he's a giant scum bag. So YOU, the would-be "promoter" operating out of the Boston area, I give you the finger for your lame attempts to drag my pristine name through the mud. YOU, who never contacted me put my name and face on posters and expect that to draw you a crowd. Well, jokes on YOU tinker bell, because I ain't nobody. Putting my face on a flyer draws you maybe two people. These two people who will probably not go to your show after they find out I was never on it in the first place. On tope of never contacting me, let alone never booking me for your show, you have bogus mechandise you're advertising that I signed for you. And yeah, you're such pond scum, you're auctioning it off to raise money for a sick kid. Now it's personal. If there even really is a sick kid, I doubt the money is going to him at all. Speaking of money, you owe me....lots. And until you pay me, i'd suggest you avoid your bullshit, sorry ass antics. I shall punch you in the face if I ever see you and you don't hand over my mother fucking money, you wanker.
So yeah, on wards and upwards. I have the best girl ever. She's so sweet to me. She calls me after all my matches to make sure i'm okay, and she actually takes an interest in what it is I love to do. My so-called vegan ex-girlfriend (who used to drink milkshakes when she had cramps) never did anything remotely as compassionate for me. Live and LAUGH. (C'mon, I always win.)
I'll be back later tonight with a more wrestling related update, and by 'later tonight', I mean three weeks.
Eat it pig.
|Sunday, August 24th, 2003|
|Friday, August 22nd, 2003|
|Ba weep gra na weep ninny bon!
Hey, it's Barbie Head. I'm posting this for Punk 'cuz Hero's computer is the shits. Let me take this opportunity to fill you guys in on all the stuff Punk left out...like his hotass new feminist tattoo, his love of ass showers, and his even greater love for Samoa Joe. Yeaaahhhh. Universal greeting, motherfuckers!
So here's his commentary....
It's funny how things always work out. The night before every MLW show, I never get any sleep. Tonight is no different. There was some drama with plane tickets and travel, and now that i've got it all worked out there's really not point in getting any sleep. It seems when I sleep for only about two hours it fucks me up more than pulling an all nighter. Besides, i'll sleep on the plane, and i'll be nice and crabby for all my promos when I get to the building. I'll more than likely take a nap after I find a way to work out when i'm in FLA too.
I'm sitting at WHIN at the moment smiling to myself at the last few months of my sitcom of a life. It's set in stone now, i'm off to Philly on the first of the month. My last show in Chicago will be the RCW show on the 31st.
After the MLW show I fly back to chicago, drive from midway to O'Hare, and fly to Philly. I remember when I used to live in my car, now I live in airplanes.
The last two years living at WHUSA with Ace has been nothing short of hilarious. I'm sad to see it end, but it's time to go live it up with my two new rad roomates. Obviously the ROH school will be opening up soon, and i'm very much looking forward to it. There's going to be a lot of good stuff happening with ROH and the school. I intend to learn as much from the students as they learn from me.
God damn I love me some pro wrestling.
A big congrats to my good friend Alexis Laree. She deserves a shot, and i'm sure she'll take that ball and run with it.
XxX Current Mood: dirty
|Tuesday, August 19th, 2003|
|People keep yelling at me to update this thing...
So, i'm in Lousiville at the moment, and let me check real quick.....yep! It still sucks here. I'm trying to build up some motivation to go workout. Tonight, I finally get to go see Freddy vs. Jason. Tomorrow i've got some TNA action. Thursday i'll be in Chicago. Friay i'll be in Florida. Saturday i'll be in limbo, and Sunday i'll be in stinky New Jersey.
Japan was amazing, thanks for asking, I go back in September.
Also, somebody tell me who was the lady spy that worked for the CIA in that "cody banks" movie...(don't ask, just tell)
This update has been brought to you by my lack of anything funny to say...
|Monday, August 4th, 2003|
|Big trouble in little....Tokyo.
Today, I....worked out at the Zero one dojo...had a crash course in the subways of Japan...didn:t shower...saw AFI play a great cover of of Poisons Nothing but a Good Time....watched Ian Ashbury of the Cult morf into Jim Morrison and play with the doors...hung out with AFI some more...Got attacked by cats...got completely lost in Tokyo...
I no longer like Brodie Armstrong, for she is a slut/whore/tramp.
Nothing like wandering the streets of Tokyo alone....it:s been so rad here.
Did I mention I got attacked by cats? Yeah, while I was lost, I was walking through this park and I saw a cat just chillin on this rock. I took a picture of it, because I thought it was strange that there was just some cat layin around. When I approached it to pet it, like, five other cats came out of the bushes and they all started hissing at me. It was crazy. Crazy I tell you!
...go fuck yourself.
|Saturday, August 2nd, 2003|
I sit in a Kinkos in Japan, its 1am in the mourning, and I just semi main evented at Korakuen hall.
I also just ate an ice cream sammich with Bob Sapps face on it.
Life is good.
If anybody would like to direct complaints about things I may have said about them in a recent interview, please see the Barbiehead on your way out of my office.
Unless you are a drug dealer or a hooker, then, just post all over message boards, and I will further ignore you.
I like being a crabby young man.
Anyway, I digress...Things have been so over the top tremendous for me here in Japan so far. I really cant say enough how much I love it here. Ive done three shows, and had three very good, dare I say excellent tag matches. Tomorrow, bright an early we work out at the dojo, then I get to see the Zero One offices and get fitted for some new gear. Three days off in Tokyo....lets see how much trouble I can get into....
People I miss, yet support me always: Shan, Chez, Ace, Cass, Lee, Callee, Kid, Hero, Marky, Allison, Barbiehead, Gil, Capri, Pops, Petey, Rowdy and Stitches. If I forgot you, you maybe should think about getting me something really rad for my birthday....
People who are stinky hookers....ah, you know.
Bobb Sapp ice cream sammich: 120 yen
Dirty Philly hookers: 130 yen
Debuting at Korakuen hall, with three CM Punk signs in the crowd...
Oh, and I really have like...a thousand dirty hooker jokes, so buckle up for those. I just find it so hilarious that somebody would cancel themselves off a show just because of what I said. Um...heres another....
Korean BBQ 1500 yen
Zero One Low Ki shirt 3000 Yen
Offended at being called a hooker, yet willingly gang banged by some odd hundreds of men...
My name is CM Punk, and im at Kinkos.....(in japan!)
XxX Current Mood: amused
|Friday, July 11th, 2003|
|"Just like me"
i'm sitting in my apartment eating tacos and realizing what an introvert I am. It's Friday night, and i'm going out of my mind because i'm not wrestling. I had plans to go to the movies with my best friend, but i'm way too into this fucked up state of mind at the moment to do anything that has to do with being in public. I've already worked out today, but chances are, as the night goes on, i'll find my way back to the gym. That's what I do when I don't know what to do with myself.
I listen to depressing music and wonder how the people can discriminate Christopher Daniels because of his age.
I think about the complete retard with the rusted out Fiero that's taking up THREE parking spaces outside my apartment.
My head is filled with hopes and dreams.
I hope certain people I barely talk to know and understand the sacrifices i've made to make it to where I am. Being a wrestler isn't really that fair to those around you.
I'm not talking about a once a month, never been to a gym "wrestler". I'm taking about the very small handful of people that decided a long time ago that this was what they were going to do, and have put it above and beyond anything else in their lives. The people around you never really get the all of you that some of them deserve. I've missed my best friends college graduation. I'm missed wedding (this I honestly don't feel too bad about, it's the divorce parties that i'm pissed off I missed).
It's hard, but i've never thought for a single second that it all wasn't worth it.
I've lived in my car. I've slept on floors. I've rambled on in my commentaries making no sense at all.....er....yeah...like just now.
I'm not sure why i'm even saying any of this.
Maybe it's because i'm so fucking tired.
Maybe it's because i'm greatful.
Maybe it's just because i'm fucking crazy.
Maybe I should just go to bed....after all, I gotta wrestle tomorrow....
|Tuesday, July 8th, 2003|
|"Real friends eat chewed up pancakes." OR "OMD"
You think Christopher Daniels is a wrestler? Er...well....okay, yeah. You're right, he is. HOWever...I feel a need to write about his other job because honestly, i'm proud of him.
*sidenote* I'm also WAY proud of my girl, for she is rad. *end sidenote*
Everything seems to be going Daniels way as of late, even the altheimers is in remission! (JAB!)....okay, okay, I digress. Daniels works hard for everything he has, and he deserves it. I thought maybe a congratulations was in order because Daniels side job of Hollywood stunt man is also paying off left and right. Anybody see him job out to Drew Barrymore in Charlies Angels 2? Damn right, Chris Daniels sold for the little girl from E.T, but I guess that's much akin to him selling for that little girl from "American Samoa" (Left/right combo!).
*sidenote* I love the way I italicized American Samoa, completely invalidating the ROYAL heritage of that little girl from E.T...er....ahhhhh fuck it, nevermind. *endsidenote*
Anyway, I keep getting off track here. Daniels does an awesome job with whatever he does, and he deserves props. I hope his stunt career is as successful as his wrestling career. I know he loves doing both because he told me that doing stunt work with the Charlies Angles team was way more fun then when he sat next to Peter at the last supper (uppercut!uppercut!).
This ends your regularly scheduled program, you can go back to lookin' at net porn!
XxX Current Mood: amused
|Thursday, July 3rd, 2003|
|"Quick, get a bucket for all this Bison poop."
I was all set to write a commentary today. Then I had to take the shuttle to downtown from Midway, jump the red line, transfer to the blue line, then walk a bunch to get back home. Now instead of writing about how much I love Chicago, the fat kid that woke me up on my plane home this mourning, and TNA junk, I will sit here and watch Maury Povitch paternity tests, and that wacky animal guy Jack Hanna. So far, all his animals have laid cable all over Maurys set. It doesn't get any better than that.
Oh, and if you're the fat kid that woke me up on flight 2053 today, I will clothesline your guts, you pig.
|Wednesday, June 11th, 2003|
|"I came by to restore your pluck, 'cause i'm the nurse who likes to ..."
Yeah. I feel like shit run over twice. I've got a wicked case of the flu. Fever, throat gimmick, headache, acehy like I just worked Chris Hero in a "hit the guy with this piece of furniture" match, and I have no appetite. I haven't eaten in almost three days. I despise everything, including you. Except if you're Somoa Joe.
XxX Current Mood: Miserable
|Saturday, June 7th, 2003|
|This story has nothing to do with wrestling
When I was a kid (okay, okay, when I was smaller), my parents used to take me on vacation to Door County Wisconsin. This is why you'll always hear me say that i've never been on a vacation. Door County sucked. We lived in a cabin for a week, drank egg water, ate and ghetto fish fries, and played Pictionary (although there is a hilarious story about my dad and I playing on a team and him not being able to draw worth a shit, but I digress). I remember thinking Door County was a million miles away, but now i'd be able to do the drive in my sleep, what with all the miles i've accumulated driving across the country. Every time we'd pass up a pasture of cows, my dad would explain to me that it was the saw bunch of cows we'd just seen a few miles down the road. "You see son, they quickly corral the cows into a truck, and drive them up the road and let them back out before we pass them". My dad never bothered to explain why in the hell the farmers would do this, but I just assumed it was to protect the secret that there was really only 12 cows in the entire world. Yup, my dad is pretty fuckin' rad.
XxX Current Mood: thankful
|Friday, May 16th, 2003|
I'm Barbie Head. You might remember me from such films as "Rump Humpers 3" and "Her Thing Had Teeth". I wrote a lovely commentary for Punk like, eons ago, when he was too lazy to write it, but he was so lazy he didn't even post it! So now I'm hijacking his journal. Haha, just kidding. I now return you to your regularly scheduled bitching...
"I used to have a home, with a room and a bed..."
Late Thursday night, May 15th 2003...lost in Atlanta....
Here's a little insight into my insides: I've never been so damn busy in my life. I love it, but it's hard to pay bills when you haven't been home for more than a few hours in over a month. It's easier to hide from the cops though. No details for now, as i've got to get up in a few hours and pack for FLA and the Jeff Peterson IPW show. I now give you my schedule and what i've been up to since the last time I updated.
April17th Kansas City MO--WLW--w/ Wade Chisolm vs. goddiker/besore
April 18th Chicago IL--i8--vs. Ego/danny daniels/Ace Steel
April 19th St. Louis MO--WLW--vs. Superstar Steve
April 22nd Nashville TN
April 23rd Nashville TN
April 24th Louisville KY
April 25th Clarksville IN
April 26th some place in PA--ROH--vs. Homicide
April 27th Cinncinati OH--HWA--w/Ace Steel vs. Cody Hawk/Chet Joblonski
April 28th Atlanta GA
April 29th More HOTlanta
April 30th Nashville TN--NWA:TNA--w/Michael Shane vs. Chase Stevens/Andy Douglas
May 1st HOTlanta yet again
May 2nd repeat!
May 3rd Chicago IL--RCW--vs Raven
May 4th Clarksville IN--IWA--vs Jimmy Jacobs HUSS!
May 5th clarksville IN
May 6th Chicago, but somehow not my apartment...weird.
May 7th...I forget
May 8th I don't sleep...
May 9th Orlando FLA---MLW--vs. Raven
May 10th HOTlanta (see a pattern?_
May 11th Shitty New Jersey
May 12th Philadelphia PA--wwE--vs. Killer Kallsah Singh
May 13th Baltimore--WWe--w/doug delicous vs. LOD
May 14th Atlanta Ga, which was cool 'cause i'd never been there before...
May 15th HOTlanta, it was so rad, I stayed another day.
May 16th...sittin' on a 'puter when I should be in bed....FLA here I come.
Big changes coming to a Punk near you. up yours hoser.
XpunkX Current Mood: devious
|Thursday, April 17th, 2003|
|It's 7:17, and death is welcome!
Okay my dearest army. It's 7:17 on my clock right now. You know where your kids are? I've been up for way too long. No sleep again for me. I'm about to hit the road and drive nine hours to Kansas City. I refuse to spell check. Starbucks is calling me. This is the story. Of a lovely lady......
"You're not alive yesterday, you're not alive tomorrow, you're alive right now, at this very moment, so live."
Wednesday, April 9th 2003--Dave Prazaks Automobile
I wake up way late. Prazak calls about ten minutes after I wake up, and says, "I know i'm two hours late, i'm leaving now". Word. I act like i'm mad that he's late, nevermind the fact that i'm the inconsiderate ass that wasn't ready on time either. Without working out, full of sleep and hateful at the republican world, we head to Clarksville...Rock City!
It was good to drive to IWA country with Prazak, reminded me of the old times. Like the first time we stopped at the exit off 65 with the Pilot/Subway. I figure by now, i've spent at least 6 months of my life, total, at this rest stop. Once, I got a magic eight ball watch there (spooky forshadowing, I learned that shit in english, bitch!). We arrive at WHIN (for those of you new to my commentary, that's Wrestling House Indiana), around ninish, and I eat. We watch tapes, and I eat. Mark Wolf and I look for hockey scores, and I eat. I get way crabby, and Mark Wolf and I hit the gym really late. We go back to WHIN. I eat some more. Hero comes home from Evansville, we eat again! Whoo! Food=my hobby. We watch tapes. I fall asleep watching some silly shoot interview. Repeat cycle the next day, except without the driving, and replace "some silly shoot interview" with "shoot interview of a crackhead prono star". Thursday night I train at the IWA building, and I make a phone call......
"Ask the Magic Eight Ball" or "Fiveplay At The Emergencyroom"
Friday April 11th Clarksville Indiana--IWA
This is good shit folks. I'm not going into too many details, but trust me.
Zero hour: I wake up, and Marky and I roll out to the gym. I have the shittiest shoulder workout in the history of the shoulder, so we cut our loses and split early.
Upon arriving back at WHIN i'm fortunate enough to meet Lucy, Chris Heros new valet for the first time. Ya'll might remember her as being just about the only good reason to watch WCW Nitro for a while, some call her Daffney. They all decide to watch a really old match where me and Tracey Smothers have a dance contest, so I grab me a quick shower to spare the embarassment. We fail to eat at the cool Japanese place near the building, and settle for Subway instead. After that, we all catch a three O'clock viewing of House of 1,000 Corpses. Seriously, it's the most romantic movie i've ever seen. If you didn't like this movie, chances are you just didn't understand it. Also, maybe you're blind, you might want to get that looked at.
We were graced with the presence of the Suicide Kid halfway through the movie, 'cause the cripple went to the wrong theatre. MUCH. KID. LOVE. I digress.....very good movie, even better company, so far April 11th rules.
The Eighth Hour: A few twists and turn aside, maybe a little bit of gun play....happy meal with a sprite, knee biting and an inpromptu onesided ketchup fight, and we all arrive at the building. I wreslte BJ Whaynmeier in one of them, "them boys is really hittin' each other matches". Tight match, I think I like it, but i'll have to watch the tape....I get the W with a block of an exploder suplex into a roll up. Before my match, however, there was commentary by myself and Dave Prazak worthy of buying the tape just to hear us talk. I join Prazak and Ian for some main event shennanigans up in the "spiders nest", and witness near the end of the Chris Hero vs. Danny Daniels match some bad shit happen to a good person. Hero had Danny on his shoulders and Lucy came off the top rope with a cross body and landed on the mat all ugly. She rolled to the floor and I imeadiately knew something was wrong. Sometimes it don't pay to have the spider sense...I had a bad feeling all day long. I get to ring side, and Lucy, who buy the way is wearing a Wonder Woman outfit, so in a bizarre way this is a fantasy of mine, except for the knee injury, has her leg in the air and is leaning her forehead against the ring post. I think that was a run-on sentence. I know what it's like to be hurt, you don't really pay attention to shit going on around you, you mainly just try to figure out what the hell is wrong with you. Man, I tell ya, if I could've somehow put myself in her place, I would have. I did my best to try and see how bad her knee was, motioned up to Ian, and we got her on a stretcher and into the locker room. Ya know, for somebody who made a name for herself by screaming, she was fairly quiet for being in a lot of pain. Fuckin' Wonder Woman I tell ya.
Hour 13....I say "let's go to the hospital" quite a bit, she says she doesn't like hospitals, or doctors, or boys who tell her to go to the hospital. I have flashbacks of Elizabeth New Jersey, Don Montoya askin' me if I wanted him to call an ambulance, and inbetween me puking on my own feet, telling him that I don't like hospitals. I use my Irish charm, and boyish good looks (and Prazak, Hero, Ian, BJ, Marky and everybody esle) to get her to agree to go to the hospital. We roll thick into the hospital like thugs and get our sister checked in. Long story short: nothin' is broken, hospitals still smell, and the magic eight ball is never wrong. BJ hits the road to make it to the ROH show via shitty PA turnpike, and we head back to WHIN.
Hour number why the fuck am I still awake: I'm due to fly out of Louisville to Philly around 6:45, and let's face it, nobody is sleeping after all this shit. Well, nobody meaing Lucy and I. Mark Wolf, Hero, and Prazak hit the pillows as soon as we got back from the hospital. With only a few hours until I need to be airport bound, I try and make Lucy as comfortable as I possibly can. Intense, intense Friday. One day seemed like two weeks. I head off to the airport feeling like my weekend was already over, but it was just about to begin...and in a way all too familiar.....
"Plane of a single zombie boy"
Friday becomes Saturday April 12th, Philadelphia PA--ROH
I wander into the Louisville airport. I looke like shit, regardless of my grin. I hand the my itinerary, the computer says I don't exist. For whatever reason, I wasn't scheduled, even though I had my itinerary in hand. The three nice ladies that worked at whatever airline counter I was at helped me out, and got me on my flight. Which was delayed for two hours. This is CM Punk traveling 101 here folks. I swear it was like the ghost of Norm Conners was screwing up my flight plans. I sit for two hours, 'cause I still can't sleep. I down some starbucks and jump on me very shitty looking prop engine plane. There's NOBODY on this flight, so I sprawl out, figuring i'll take a nap....and I doze off, for what seems like only about 15 minutes. The plane is on the ground, I can't believe i've been alseep for the entire trip, but i'm pleased to be in Philly early. I figure I can shower, take a nap, grab some food....oh, wait, i'm sorry. This is me we're talking about. Murphys law. Whatever can go wrong will. I stroll into the airport and don't really see the humor in the huge, "Welcome to Dayton Ohio" sign that greets my sleep weary eyes. Fuck asses! I really was only asleep for about 15 minutes! Mechanical problems!??! Had to land the plane!? This only happens in the movies folks. Oh, and me....it happens to me all the time. I'm fortunate enough to board another flight right away. A flight to Pittsburgh. I'm in hell. I fly, wide awake to PA with these two yuppies that were in the same boat (plane!) as me. I thank the yuppies for not trying to talk to me. I get off another barely passable as a flying machine junk pile, thinking i'm going to board a plane asap to Philly. Think again CM Punk, this is your life! It's one big middle finger pointed directly at YOU! I sit. For two more hours. WIDE AWAKE for some ungodly reason. I then board another plane, thinking i'm going to wind up in Puerto Rico, alas, I get to Philly....six hours late, and 28 hours since I last slept.
Oh man oh man, I wander through the airport. See, the way I figure, there's no way in hell my bags are here in Philly. Fitz spots me, and goes to corral the rest of the boys she's picking up. Amazingly, my bags are indeed at the airport, so myself, Fitz, Hotstuff Hernadez, Colt "is my fly open?" Cabana, and A.J. "not the dude from Teen Wolf" Styles grab some food. Mr. Hernandez and myself share Necro Butcher stories. I steal from the breakfast buffet. Hey, don't give me that shit, I hadn't eaten in a long time. We pick up Dusty from the hotel, then strut into the building like pimps. Immeadiately i'm challenged by the American Dragon Ryan Danelson to a knock down drag out fight, kareoke style, later that night. I except your challenge, you milky white honkey! Feel the wrath of the Stray Cats! Sorry...
I work BJ Whitmer for the second night in a row, 'cept this time nobody wins. I manage to german suplex him off the apron, and I think we're both lucky there was a table in the way of the floor. Don't get me wrong, i'm not happy I hit that table, but I think it could've been a lot worse. I was legit seeing stars just the way I was when I fractured my skull. Shit was spinning, I was a bit spooked by the whole thing. Much to my suprise I didn't hear a single jackass yell anything ignorant as BJ and I were helped to the back. Hard to believe. So now i've been up for way too long. My vertigo from my skull fracture is coming back in spades, and my collar bone is bruised. It's SO kareoke time. American Dragon needs to take shit talk lessons, because he doesn't frighten with his, "i'm going to sing a Barry Manilow song" bullshit. The night wraps up, and I hit the road with possibly my most favorite guy ever at the moment, Somoa Joe. Also, let's not forget Allison Danger. We sing Reel Big Fish songs, 'cause Joe is down like that, and we head to Allisons pad. Myself, American DraGOON, Somoa Joey Jo, Matt Stryker, BJ Beamer, Allison Danger all order pizza, say fuck you to the kareoke and watch wrestling tapes instead. I finally fall asleep at 3 am. Who needs sleep when you've got magic?
"A sun sets on Pottstown"
Sunday April 13th, Pottstown PA--PWF
Man did I need a day off. Well, what I needed was sleep, and I got that, so what I needed to do now is chill out. Allison Danger makes some mean french toast, and I eat a donut that forces me to go to the gym. Monsta Mack, Chrissy Daniels, Allison and myself get in a quick workout, then Allison makes use MORE FOOD! Pasta this time around, and you know the Punker is a happy fella. More chillin' is done, we watch various OVW tv tapes, then head out for the PWF show. I breaka rule and go to a show that I wasn't booked on, but I was breakin' all sorts of rules at the beginning of the weekend, so I give no fuck. I mean shiiiiiiiiiiit. Brothers. Anyway.
Check it out. I meet Chris Hamrick for the first time, and he looks like one of the crazy fucks from House of a 1000 Corpses. You're killin' me. I decide to reflect on my silly weekend, and chill outside on a hill and watch the sun go down behind a mountain. That and I didn't want to witness a Hamrick match live. I catch the second half of the show, and it makes me wish I watched the first half. Great stuff. Stryker from NYC impressed...His tag partner Josh Daniels is great. I love me some Chi Chi Cruise....great, great locker room. I hope to be a part of it soon.
After the show, i'm treated to my first Wa Wa sammich, and Daniels, Miss Danger, and CW Anderson and I call it a night after an unsuccessful attempt at watchin' a movie. Sweet sleep embarces me, and the next mourning (monday, you fool!) after dropping off CW and Mr. Angel at the airport, Allison and I grab some lunch. My flight let a bit late (weird, huh?), so I had more time to kill. Kill kill kill. Kill Crush Destroy. It's clobberin' time, and so on and so forth. I arrive back in Chicago and kiss the ground. As Al Pacino would say..."HOO-AH!".
It's fate I tell ya. Current Mood: accomplished
|Wednesday, April 16th, 2003|
|"...and my heart feels outdated...I wouldn't have it any other way."
Everybody that's reading this, IM me when i'm on tomorrow and remind me to update this sucka. It's time to kick the cob webs off this thing, talk some shit about Jimmy Rave, and tell of the one girl that shouldn't stick her head in a toilet. The ones that read books are hard to find. Rad.
P.S...seriously, yell at me, these stories must be documented.
PPS...go see House of a Thousand Corpses. But only if you go with a hottie. Current Mood: happy
|Friday, March 7th, 2003|
|my own stupidity does me in....
"I feel like shit, and my eyes are buring, but still I just can't go to bed..."
I pulled a muscle in my back today. Let the good times roll.
I've got commentary coming up on working Jimmy Rave, a bar brawl with Harley Race, and other assorted goodies. Sit tight, while I fight this disease that keeps coming back....
XxX Current Mood: nostalgic
|Friday, February 28th, 2003|
|It's 4am, so you know where your Chris Hero is?
Before I get started, go check on how Chris Hero is doing in Europe by reading his live journal. This is where most cool kids would link you to his journal, but i'm 'puter illiterate, so up yours.
"Is that a tooth stuck in your head, or are you just happy to be alive in Clarksville Indiana on a Saturday night?"
A N D ! !
Saturday February 15th, Clarksville Indiana (yee haw)
I checked my calendar maybe a week and a half before this date and saw that I had the weekend off. I immedeately called up Ian Rotten and got myself booked. Disaster averted.
I travel to the land of...well, the land of corn I suppose, even though that crow told me when I was a kid that there's more than corn in Indiana. Nevermind. I jump in an ugly yellow car with Danny Daniels, Steve Stone, and super ref Robert Lemke (aka Mohomad, aka Lovitz), and head out in some shitty weather. I'm glad I wasn't driving, because I normally have zero concept of bad driving conditions, I just know I have to be some place, and the faster I drive, the quicker I get there. I believe at last count, we saw 25 cars in ditches by the time we got to the building.
I work J.C. Bailey who is new to the IWA rings, and like most is trying to make a name for himself. During the match, he hit me with that silly move; where you've got somebody clutched for an inverted DDT ("sting" ddt for you *really* out of touch people), and he swings his right arm over my chest and...I guess lands an elbow or some shit, and his tooth got stuck in my forehead. I wasn't bleeding all that bad, but it was rather deep...I think it could've used a stitch. BUT I'M HARDCORE! Or I don't have insurance anymore, certainly not both....
After show festivities were normal: grab some food, play the skill crane in Dennys, yell at people, and then retire back to Wrestling House Indiana for some tape watchin'.
We actually weren't going to stay, but admist rumors of I-65 being shut down, and the freezing rain that was undoubtedly making the roads worse than they were on the way down (25 cars!) we stayed. Sweet Jeebus was everybody glad we stayed. Maybe around 2 A.M. somebody asked Adam Gooch how he was getting home, and he replied, "What's her face is picking me up". He didn't actually say What's her face, but i'll be damned if i'm going to remember the name of Adam Goochs girly girl. Like clockwork, right after he answered, there was a knock at the door, so Gooch was on his way. Wait! What's this? Two girls?!!? Yep, two girls stroll in to Mark Wolf/Chris Heros lovely abode, and proclaim "Hello! I am girlfriend number ONE, this is girlfriend number TWO!"
My first reaction as Mark Wolf runs right up to me is to ask him if he has a video camera. My second reaction is making a mental note to myself that if I ever get rich, to buy Mark Wolf a video camera. My third reaction is: Rad! Folks, this shit was better than T.V. Adam Gooch got caught red handed because he was stupid enough to try and scam two girls that live two minutes apart. You could tell these girls had an agenda, I swear they even rehearsed some of the lines. The two pronged attack lasted maybe an hour and a half, due to us buddies of Gooch taking the girls coats, clearing the couch for them, and even offering to run out to get them some icecream. It was all hilarious until they both started crying, then we had to throw them out. Before they were gone, and thanks to them, I now know these things about Gooch:
1.)Makes girls call him daddy while they "do it"
2.)While "doing it" with one of the girls, her dog licked his asshole. He denies enjoying this.
3.)Had one girl buy him an oldschool Nintendo just because the OTHER girl wanted one. Fuckin' smooth.
4.)Gooch is like, the ugliest pimp in the world. Check out this list of girls the two he cheated on rattled off...these may or may not be even more girls Adam Gooch is currently making out with...
jenny in owensburoh
jenny from the blcok
block buster girl
comic girls friend
two ugly lesbos
Lucky for Gooch, these girls were pretty tame in comparison to some of the birds i've dated in the past. If two girls busted in and called me out on the spot, there would be a lot of kicking, "what the hell are all you laughing at!"s, broken glass, and sore crotches. All in all, just another night in the trenches. As a good friend of mine says..."you just can't make this stuff up". Current Mood: I gotta pee
|Thursday, February 13th, 2003|
|"A happy ending is absolute zero"
Thursday night I found myself driving to the gym asking myself, "Man, how in the hell am I getting to IWA tomorrow?" Just then, the savior of my weekend, Jimmy "Mr. Charisma" Jacobs called my cell. Never before in the history of my cell phone has he called me, I don't even know how he got my number. He offered me a ride. Rock. I love how shit just falls into my lap. I never worried for a bit.
"90 is just a number" or "Yous a Wanksta"
Friday February 7th, Clarksville Indiana--IWA
I don't have anniversaries with girls, I have them with Chris Hero. Glamour. A year ago on this night we went out to try and do the building we both came up in some justice, and go out on a high note. We were supposed to have a ladder match. It was supposed to go 20 minutes. It went 55, maybe you've heard of it.
I don't think Hero and I set out to top what we did a year ago, i'm not sure we really could. What I do think is that it was another chapter in what's been a great story. Here we are, both green as grass, partners, until I turn on him. We feud. He can't beat me. 2/3, tables, ladders, chairs, I squeak by. I'm the huge cocksucker everybody hates. I've got the belt, I talk shit, Hero is...well...the superhero. I'm a more hairy version of Lex Luthor with a terrible blood lust. We beat the shit out of each other and earn that mutual respect. We meet again at the TPI, he still can't get it done. He tries again, and we shatter the one hour time limit. Fuckin' A. It only made sense to make the time limit 90 minutes. That and i'm selfish. I love wrestling. Working holds and telling a story for over 90 minutes is something I honestly wish I could do every night, but then it wouldn't be as special as what Hero and I did. Hero finally beat me, it's like a happy ending...except that it isn't over. This is what makes me smile, it's also what makes me kick people in the face over and over.
After the match, I had a hand print on my neck, my left earlobe was torn away from my head, but I was feeling really good due to the match. Unfortunately I had so split right away and head back to Chicago to catch a plane. I didn't sleep a wink on the way home, I stayed up with Jimmy Jacobs and talked. Originally I had to catch a plane out of Midway at 6am, but I didn't think I was going to make that so I had it switched to O'Hare at noon. I didn't sleep until I got on the plane...this is where my weekend starts to blur into one really long day.
"I live in airports" and "grandemochacocont"
Saturday Feb. 8th, Queens NY--ROH
With no sleep, I grab a shower, eat some food, and head out to the airport. I got there a bit early,and instead of trying to sleep next to the crying baby in my terminal, I walked around. I ate a burrito, I had me some starbucks. I laughed at people. I rocked the distillers in the headphones until it was time to board the plane, then I promptly fell asleep. THEN, the flight attendant woke me up and handed me pretzels. Fantastic, thanks a lot you whore. I didn't sleep again until five am the next day. Fuckin' hell. NYC was a lot of fun. On two hours of sleep, I checked into my hotel and ran out for some food. Queens sure does suck. I went to this shitty mall, and everybody looked like members of special K. I ate tons more food, then got dropped off at the building for some wrestling fun, ROH style.
I was scheduled to go on second, but when Reckless didn't show up, things got switched around. I wound up workin' CW Anderson, and it was so so. We were on directly after a riot. Now I know what it feels like to work after me on other shows. I was pretty hot Somoa Joe didn't inform me of the activities before they happened, 'cause I love a good riot. Anyway, I'd like to work Anderson again, in a situation where we get more time, i'm sure it'd be great. American Dragon follows me around the rest of the night and sings me songs. I love that guy...we share an intense respect for bathroom etiquette, and we both crush on Julia Styles. As well as A.J. Styles. And Styles from Teen Wolf. I've said too much....
Believe it or not, my night pretty much just began at that point. I was taken out "clubbin'" by the illustrious Barbiehead. Due to me not owning any pants (well, I own one pair, but it's jeans),and I also don't have shoes that aren't the gym kind, I wear my wrestling boots and a borrowed pair of pants. We headed out to some place and I shook my ass. Really, I did. All on two hours of sleep....here's what the Barbiehead has to say about it....
Pj had lots of fun this weekend. Why? Because I rock. One of you fanboys should buy him some shoes cuz he only has sneakers and had to wear wrestling boots to the night club. Also , buy him Darren's Dance Grooves, he's not a bad dancer but he could expand his moveset. You should buy him stuff cuz he's awesome. He got a tattoo that says Barbie Head, which is me. Go look at my journal. I rock.
We also went to St. Marks place, but we didn't get sushi cuz I don't think Christine likes Japanese food. But we went to the comic store and bought junk at Trash and Vaudeville and got free 7-up junk (7 up upside down is dnl) and then we went to Toys R us and fought Bruce Lee and the Fonz. The monkey is the Fonz. We saw cabbage patch kids being born, they have pink asses, and we went in Barbie's castle. And then we had Pepsi slushies. Then PJ went to go sleep at laguardia. The End.
That's right. I finally crashed around five AM, then we did all that NYC crap the next day. I had me tons of fun. Sleeping at Laguardia was NOT fun. I got there around nine pm on Sunday, my plane left Monday mourning a 8. I sure do love wrestling.....
XxX Current Mood: is fat a mood?
|Saturday, February 8th, 2003|
|I'm a kid, I think life is a scam...
"92:15, or something that felt so awesome"
I didn't think i'd be able to talk, yet here I am, not able to sleep. I just got done wrestling for over an hour and a half a mere six hours ago or so. I'd stand on top of the Emprie State building and scream nonesense about how Pedro Morales, and Cyclone Negro got nothin' on me, but it'd be a lie. I think it's been nearly thirty years since anybody in american wrestling has done a 90 minute time limit draw. Am I tootin' my own horn? Of course I am. I can't lace Harley Races booth, but damnit, I laced mine, and hung for over 90. I've never had such fun. My left ear is a bit torn away from my head, i've all these odd bruises all over me, I can't hear out of my left ear, both my elbows are shot...and ya know what? I could go on and on about what's wrong with me, but fuck...we'd be here all night, and i've a plane straight to NYC to catch.
Bloody noses, finger biting, and face kicking like only two guys who love each other can do. Pure fuckin' romance.
Thanks Hero...happy anniversary.
Now if you'll all excuse me, there's a very hot shower with my name on it, and a bottle of bio freeze waiting for me...
NYC, here I come.
XxX Current Mood: happy
|Tuesday, January 21st, 2003|
|"I know who you're trying to impress there, girlie..."
So over the course of the past several days, more than a few people have asked me when i'm going to update this little window into my bizzaro world. Many have stated that they think i'm a good story teller, or a good writer. That's very flattering to me, but I simply tell it like it is. I've a half dozen ideas for little "installments" for my journal, but I doubt i'll ever get around to them since I rarely even update the sucka with my weekend activites. One idea is called, "nothing to do with wrestling", where i'll tell stories that...you guessed it! Have nothing to do with wrestling. I don't have many of those though. I swear i'm slower than that famous boat to China.....
I've got a lot to write about. The 'puter goes into the shop today, and when it comes back, i'll get to writing. I've got some good stories to tell....
XxX Current Mood: restless